Say Anything!
by Carlotta's twin
Summary: Kirk has to choose between the two most importent things in his life: Spock, and the Enterprise. How can he choose? songfic


Say Anything!

By CT

D/C: I don't own this song, nor Star Trek.

A/N: Okay, here's the story for this one. I was listening to Wow! I Can Get Sexual Too! by Say Anything because it's a hilarious song. However, I don't like the music video, so I thought of one I could do myself. Except, it wouldn't work out. So, I modified it to Star Trek, and here you go. TAKES PLACE after TMP, but before TWOK. I have a small ENT reference—the name of the bar. Oh, and this is K/S.

_If I die and go to hell real soon, it will appear to me as this room. And for eternity I'd lay in bed in my boxers, half stoned, with the pillow under my head..._

Admiral Kirk opened his eyes groggily and half sat up. He looked around his fairly messy room, looking for one thing in particular: his wife, Ruth. She was nowhere to be seen. Kirk made sure of this, then collapsed back onto the bed. 

"Jim? You awake?" a voice came from the living room.

Kirk pretended not to hear. He heard her sigh, and walk out of their apartment. He got up, for real this time, and dressed in his uniform. The admiral pin gleamed back up at him, a constant reminder of his lack of captaincy and a starship. Sure, he traveled on them for diplomatic meetings for Starfleet, but he never sat in the captain's chair. Never commanded. Kirk groaned. Why did he want to command so badly? His last attempt _had_ been a success, but at the cost of Decker's and Illia's- well, not life...but humanity, anyway. Leave chasing the stars to the young, he told himself. He had a wonderful life with Ruth, his wife of two years. Besides, he could never get the Enterprise back—it was a training ship. And he could never get his crew back again. Speaking of which...

_I'd be chatting on the interweb; maggots pray upon the living dead. I had no interest in the things she said. On the phone every day, I'll permanently hit the hay hay..._

Kirk put on his phone piece on his ear. "Call Spock." he told it.

"Good morning, Admiral. How are you today?" Spock asked cordially.

"Fine. And how are you, dear Spock?"

"I am physically and mentally well. I am training several cadets, who will be assigned to the USS Clemens." Spock replied.

"Scotty designed it, right? I approved it. Doesn't it have a new type of warp engine?"

"Correct, Admiral. Of course, that makes training on the Enterprise somewhat outdated-"

"Don't say that. We were on that ship for 15 years."

"To use a human expression, Jim—we are not getting any younger."

Kirk laughed. "Where'd you hear that one?"

"Dr. McCoy."

"Figures." Kirk smiled. "Do you want to meet me at the 602 Club for dinner at eight?"

"I will be there at the appointed time." Spock replied. He hung up.

Kirk smiled the whole way to his office.

_I called her on the phone and she touched herself. She touched herself. She touched herself..._

Kirk's smile disappeared, however, when he reached it. He hated his office. It was smaller than the Enterprise's bridge. Kirk would do anything to go back—_no_, Kirk thought. Ruth had coaxed him through these stupid wants; first by wooing, then by wedding. He didn't need the Enterprise to be happy. _No_, Kirk thought. _I need Spock._ Kirk surprised himself with that thought, but quickly grew to accept it. He had been at his all time low after the Enterprise was taken from him. It was also the time in which Spock had left for Vulcan and had not communicated with him for five years. _Spock does make me happy_, Kirk conceded. Though he still hated losing the Enterprise, at least he still had his First Officer by his side.

_I called her on the phone and she touched herself. I laughed myself to sleep..._

Kirk found Spock sitting half-wrapped in shadows, watching a few Deltans flirt with some drunk humans. "Not joining the festivities?" Kirk joked.

"That is not my idea of an enjoyable evening." Spock replied stiffly.

"Not like you 'enjoy' anything. Enjoying being so emotional..."

"Not quite correct, Admiral. I enjoy your company, in the sense that I find your company fulfilling." Spock argued.

"Fulfilling? In what way?" Kirk asked, intrigued.

"I find you to be a fascinating human, with an interesting personality." Spock said.

"The same to you." Kirk replied, with a slight bow of his head. "Hell, I'll drink to that!" He waved a waiter over. "I'll have a...bourbon."

"And you, sir?" the waiter asked Spock.

"Tai tea, thank you." Spock replied. The waiter hurried back with the drinks. "You proposed a toast, Admiral?"

"Jim." Kirk corrected. "We're off duty, now." He raised his glass. "To fascinating human...oids, with interesting personalities, such as yourself and I."

"So we are drinking to ourselves?" Spock asked.

"Well, Bones too. He has an interesting personality as all get out. But yes, to ourselves."

"Then I drink to you, Jim."

"And I to you, Spock." The two drank. Kirk set down his drink and laughed.

_At this rate, I'll be heading for electric chairs. I'm only human with my cross to bear. When she described her underwear I forgot all the rules my rabbi taught me in the old school..._

"Where were you?" asked Ruth angrily as Kirk walked through the door. 

He looked at the time. Half an hour past midnight. Damn. Time had flown. They had watched the Deltans and humans get drunker and drunker, until finally the bartender had to throw them out. Kirk and Spock had stayed until the 602 Club had closed, talking about work, and culture, and the Enterprise, and how stupid those Ferengi looked with ear piercings, and the Federation...nearly every subject available. Spock had spoken about a new cadet he had met, a young Romulan/Vulcan hybrid named Saavik. She seemed to have high potential, according to Spock. "'Well,'" Kirk had said, "'You'd probably know. You're the one that recommended I take center seat with the Enterprise.'"

"'Was that the right decision?'" Spock deadpanned.

"'Well, sometimes I think you could do a damn better job than me.'"

"'That is not true, Jim.'"

"'Well, you would have done things a lot more logically.'"

"'Many of the situations we were could not be handled...logically.'"

Kirk smiled at the memory of Spock admitting logic's failings, and Ruth got the wrong idea. "Where _were_ you, Jim?" screamed Ruth. "I was worried sick!"

"Ruth, I'm sorry." said Jim quietly. "I just...lost track of time."

"That doesn't answer my question. This has been happening every week-"

"That's not true!"

"Yes, it is, Jim." Ruth said, her voice in a small voice. "Who were you with?"

"I'm...I'm not cheating on you or anything. I was with Spock."

Apparently, that was what Ruth didn't want to hear. She slumped down. "Every night. Every day. You call him all the time."

"We're friends, Ruth."

"Sometimes I think you're more than that!" she exclaimed. 

"You can't believe those stupid rumors." Kirk snapped. 

"You talk to him more than you talk to me. Spock this, Spock that. Jim, I'm your wife. Don't you care about me? You always call him, you always talk to him...what am I supposed to think?"

"Bones is on Trill, Scotty near Russia, Chekov is...hell, I don't know. Spock was my closest friend on the Enterprise, and he's the only one I can have regular contact with."

"Regular contact? You call him every morning, every night! That's over-regular contact, Jim." Ruth argued. Kirk said nothing. "Do you love him? Because I don't think you love me. I don't know anymore. You married me! I loved...love? you. Oh, I don't know." She looked at the still Kirk. "Say something!"

"What do you me to say?" asked Kirk through clenched teeth.

"Something...anything! Say anything, Jim!" Ruth snapped. She laughed, almost cruelly. "You know I'm Director of Missions, right? Or have you forgotten that along with your love?"

"Ruth-"

"Don't lie." she hissed. "The Enterprise was up for renewal. I wanted to change it from a cadet vessel to a mission ship again. For you. I was going to give you back the Enterprise. I don't...think so, anymore." Ruth sighed. "I've seen this coming, but I never thought I'd have to say this: goodbye, Jim."

"Ruth."

"If...you want me back, I'll be at the Embassy." Ruth sighed again. "I'm not asking for you to give up your friendship. I just want your love again. But...I guess it's gone to Spock."

_You're too young to be this empty girl. I'll prepare you for a sick dark world. Know that you'll be my downfall. But I call and I call and I call..._

The first thing Kirk did after Ruth left was to call Spock. He didn't know why—habit, maybe? But he knew he needed advice, and Spock would give him some. 

"I find Ruth to be in a highly illogical state of mind." Spock said slowly.

"Aren't all woman, Spock?"

"That is a highly sexist comment, Admiral."

"I'm not exactly in a female-loving mood."

"That is a surprise to me. I had thought you were always in a loving mood."

"Trying to be funny, Spock?"

"Never. I am just stating the facts." Spock replied. "Let me assess: Ruth became argumentative because we went to the 602 Club?"

"She thinks we're lovers, Spock."

"Friendship is a type of love." 

"She said she would give me back the Enterprise." Kirk blurted out. There was a pause. "She's Director of Missions."

"I was aware of that." Spock said quietly. "The Enterprise?"

"Yes. God, Spock. You know how much I've wanted her."

"But we would have to lose our close relationship." Spock said slowly.

"Yeah."

"Why would she make you choose?" Spock asked. "That is rather...unkind of her. It is near...not blackmail...but-"

"It's my downfall." Kirk said simply. "You or Ruth. You or the Enterprise. You've saved my life a dozen times over, Spock. But the Enterprise-! How can I...How could I..."

"What are you going to choose?" Spock asked. "Or, rather, _who_?"

_I don't know what I want. I don't know what I want. I don't know what I want. I don't know what I want..._

Kirk lay back on his bed, feeling the sunlight reach his face. He thought of Spock. Wonderful, logical, Spock. Who had saved his life too many times to count. Who had advised him and supported him even when he did not take his advice. Who had been his companion, his First Officer, his friend. His _t'hy'la_, whatever that was. Spock had said the term once, after the disastrous _pon farr_.

_"Do you...miss her?" Kirk asked Spock, who was meditating in his quarters after the incident._

_"No, Jim. She was not my t'hy'la. You are."_

They had never spoken again about that time, and Kirk had forgotten about it till now. He sighed. He couldn't lose Spock. He remembered the pain he had felt when he thought he had lost the Vulcan before—to the space amoeba, the Eyemorgs, to those creatures on Deneva. The pain in his heart had been nearly too much to bear; if he hadn't had a duty to protect those citizens or the Enterprise, he never would have put Spock in danger.

Spock was everything to him; he was like a surrogate Enterprise. Kirk had loved the Enterprise with all his heart, and when it was gone, Spock had taken its place.

But he could regain the Enterprise again! With a simple call to Ruth, he could have the ship. The ship that he had _married_ many years ago; for it had taken his heart. The Enterprise, that ship upon which he built his career, his future...his life was based upon that starship. And Ruth could give it back. Ruth could give back the ship of the past. He could have it, relive his times upon it as if no time had passed. He would feel whole again...young again. The temptation was strong, and he almost picked up his ear piece to call Ruth, but as he thought about losing Spock he withdrew his hand as if the ear piece would burn him.

_I called her on the phone and she touched herself. She touched herself. She touched herself. I called her on the phone and she touched herself. I laughed myself to sleep._

Kirk got out his ear piece and made two calls. On both, he spoke to the answering machine.

"This is Jim. I'm...sorry. I wish it could be differently, but...you knew in your heart that I had to make this decision. I can't do it any other way. I need...you know. I'm so sorry. Maybe someday you can forgive me, if I ever forgive myself." He ended the call, his face grimaced. He almost wanted to erase the message, but no. He couldn't. It was too late, and he knew that he had to make that decision.

The next message was much shorter. "Meet me at Decker Memorial Park, please. I'll see you soon. This is Jim."

As Kirk neared the park, he realized it was deserted but for one figure. It was next to the fountain, and was touching its hand to its face thoughtfully. It turned as it saw Kirk approaching in the fountain's water. "Admiral. I am...relieved you are here." 

"And not with Ruth, I suppose." Kirk didn't wait for an answer. "I'm...just going to stop beating around the bush. Spock?"

"Yes, Admiral?"

"I would...reject a thousand Enterprises for you. I would destroy them myself if it would save you. I would leave the Enterprise for you. And I have."

"Admiral-"

"And...Spock...I love you. I don't know why I've just realized it. But, uh, I have. I love you. You're everything to me. You really are. You're my t'hy'la. You-" Kirk stopped at Spock's expressionless face. "Say something, Spock. Say anything." he implored, remembering Ruth's comment.

"There is nothing left to say." answered Spock. "Therefore, it is time to act."

Kirk looked at Spock right in the eyes, and saw the seriousness in them. He pressed Spock's lips to his own. "Was that an appropriate action, Mr. Spock?"

"No, Admiral." Spock said. "Irrelevant and illogical, as a kiss is not a sure sign of love, but I have come to expect the illogical from you." 

Kirk, with nothing else to add, only laughed.

_I called her on the phone and she touched herself. She touched herself. She touched herself. I called her on the phone and she touched herself. I laughed myself to sleep._

This is the first I've written in a while, and though I hope you liked it, I'm not sure unless you review. I need your support!


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